And, no turning back…..Why do we want to run back to the very things that hurt us?

As I began my new life a few years ago, the changes were all sudden and very abrupt. My emotions were all over the place. I would feel immense relief one moment and paralyzing fear the next.

The most confusing part of my journey is the tendency to look backwards and to sometimes yearn for the very things that I was set free from. The very chains that held me, I find myself daydreaming about at times. Wondering if they were truly as bad as I thought they were. Thinking about the pain that held me for so long, and then the memory of the pain lessens, its sharp edges are softened and the good times show up on scene. 

This may be a way that our brain protects us…. by softening past traumas, so I guess that’s a good thing and serves a purpose. Where it may become dangerous is when the memories are distorted and we second guess our decisions to release ourselves from painful relationships, painful addictions, painful jobs or whatever. 

If you left it, there was a reason. It was no longer healthy, no longer good for you, so looking back at our old shackles with dreamy eyes serves no purpose except to steal our current joy and our current peace. 

There are instances in the Bible where the people of God did the same thing after they were set free. The Israelites wanted to flee back to Egypt where they had been held captive as slaves. Why? I think it’s because it’s what they knew, it’s what they were used to, and there is safety in knowing what to expect. Even if we are getting pain or suffering, there is comfort and safety in our dysfunction because we know it well. We have spent years or even a lifetime living with our own darkness and for each of us that darkness looks different, but once freed, we are unsure of what to expect next. The comfort of knowing has been removed and everything is new. This is scary and causes us to want to flee right back to the safety of the dark. 

Resist the temptation. There is nothing there for you. You’ve been freed, released, redeemed, and set back on solid ground. Nothing back there that you left behind is good for you. Walk forward, straighten the crown that Jesus placed upon your head, and move toward your destiny and purpose. You have a beautiful future ahead if you will just walk with Jesus hand in hand.