Hi my Gorgeous Friends in Christ,
I started this post the morning after our tragedy but couldn’t bear to publish it… I am stronger today and have some news to share.. I pray it glorifies God even through the heartbreak.
I am in deep, deeep searing pain.
I feel like it’s hard to breathe.
It’s 3am, I have had a few hours of sleep and then I woke up wishing yesterday was a nightmare. But, no the tragic events really happened.
I want to bury the emotions. I want to pretend it all didn’t happen. I want to run and flee and hide. To get in bed and not come out for a long time.
But, I won’t bury them and I won’t stay down defeated.
I’m not okay today, but I will be okay one day.
There is an anchor for my soul who holds me steady and strong. And He showed up today and will continue to show up again and again and again..
On Sunday afternoon, our dog Maxwell darted right into traffic and was hit by a car. He died instantly. I ran right into US 41 after him and I miraculously wasn’t hurt. I laid with him and grieved from deep inside my soul. Traffic came to a stop as I laid on my best friend in total shock. My husband carried him to the side of the road where I cried and screamed and the searing pain ripped through my insides. I prayed and I grieved and I prayed and I grieved some more. I shrieked and wailed sounds that I didn’t know were inside of me.
The ambulance and two police cars arrived and I felt like I was in a nightmare. Surely, I would wake up any minute. I told the EMT and the police, “I’m not okay. I’m not okay. I’m not okay.” I was put into an ambulance to be cleaned off and encouraged by the EMT. Time stood still. I cried out in pain and tried to get myself back together.
My sweet 11 year old daughter climbed inside and just poured the most amazing words into me. She was strong and amazing as she told me Jesus had Maxwell and that we would see him again and that we would be okay. She went on and on with the most precious words a daughter could speak into her hurting momma.
We held eachother in the ambulance and grieved and grieved. It hurt so badly. Our whole family is in deep shock and pain.
Our dog was just about to turn one. He was just at the beginning of what was supposed to be a loooong and healthy life. He was perfect in every way.
Everywhere I went, he went. He was my pal, my companion, my buddy.
And I am so so sad.
And this pain is where Jesus does His best work. He will come and minister to my soul. He will pour salve on open wounds. He will clean out the debris of fear that came into my soul and doesn’t want to leave. He will gently dress my wounds, and He will faithfully heal me and my family.
This tragedy will not weaken us, but strengthen us. Strengthen us together and with Jesus. He will be the glue and the anchor amidst the storm. He will quiet the hurricane force winds in my head and He will renew my strength. He will be the answer to my pain, and He is the Arms that I will flee into again and again.
Today’s verse of the day in the Bible app:
Here’s my prayer now today. One week later.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I wrote those words one week ago, and you have been so so faithful. You have shown up and breathed on my grieving soul. You enabled me to rise when I thought I wouldn’t be able to. You protected my sweet children’s hearts and comforted them in their sadness. You have stitched us closer together. You spoke to me through friends and pastors this week. You also spoke directly to me words of comfort and truth. You are who You say you are. Every promise You have ever spoken is true. I love You Lord. I love You Lord.
In Jesus’s name,