Today marked 3 years since I stood before the judge, surrounded by a room full of family and friends, and pledged to be forever momma to my twin boys.
The emotions of that moment are still fresh and raw and so real that I could almost physically touch them.
Sitting there, promising to care for my sons in every way, I was experiencing the answer to what felt like a million tear soaked prayers. Each night for the previous year and a half, I would tuck my boys in and pray over them.
I would tell God that I trusted Him. I would beg for Him to pave a way for the boys to grow up in my home and I would also pray for their biological mommy to be healed and set free. I knew in my heart that my two deepest prayers didn’t match, but I knew that my role was to care for them as foster momma. I knew that my care could be temporary. I knew the risk to my heart, but I didn’t withhold a thing from them. I gave them every part of my momma heart. I parented them without holding any part back “just in case”.
I have blogged about this part before, I fell in love with their sweet momma too. I wanted her to heal. I cheered her on. I cared about her journey. I wanted the best for them and the best for her. I also looked into these boys eyes every night and knew God had to have a plan. I knew I had to accept His plan. I knew I had to walk out whatever He willed for them.
And on March 8th, 2017, my babies were declared my sons. Their adoption finalized and forever. Three years ago. Alot has happened in those three years. Alot of healing from their trauma and loss. Alot of bonding between the boys and I.
Just recently we hit a milestone day. Recently I realized that they have now been in my care the same amount of time that they had been out of it. That means equal time that they have spent with me and equal time they were in the arms of others or the tummy of their biological mother. That now we are moving up a mountain of healing where each day we are together from here forward, the scale has finally tipped. This matters more for their healing than for me.
My love and dedication to them as a momma was nearly instantaneous, but their bond to me came slower. They knew loss and heartache. They knew the pain of having several different caregivers and losing them. Their little brains must have wondered when I would go too. As of three years ago, a judge declared that I never would.
Every day, I feel the trust increase. Each day that I am still here. Each night, that I am still here. The boys now know that I am always going to be here. As the trust increases, their little hearts can rest and heal.
I am in awe of them. I am in awe of their strength. I am in awe of how quickly they learn and apply things. I am in awe of every obstacle they have overcome so far. They are my little heroes, and they are the answer to a million tear stained prayers.
Here is a photo gallery of their adoption day.
These were from the night before. The last time I would tuck them in as their foster momma. That’s my best friend snuggling with them.
This is my village. The people who rallied around me and the boys. The people who supported us and held us up.
If you are praying about foster care or adoption, trust what God is laying on your heart. He has a way of paving roads right through the wilderness! He has a way of springing up wells in dry lands. He has a way of parting the seas so you can walk right through it.
You can Trust Him with your most desperate prayers. He hears!
One year later 2018
Two years later 2019
Three years later 2020: Today!