Grieving the Losses

Good Morning Gorgeous,

It’s a brand new day. A fresh start. God is faithful. He is good. He is in control. He is my solid rock. I will cling to Him with all I’ve got. And I am also going to allow myself room and space to grieve the losses.

Just this morning I found myself at my dining room table with tears welling up in my eyes. Suddenly, the burden felt heavy and too much to bear. Sunday mornings are what get me through the whole week. Sunday mornings I set aside time and space to seek the Lord and He is faithful to always be found.

I remember being a single momma to four kiddos, and sliding into the church pew after dropping them all in children’s church and just breathing for the first time all week. I would sink into the seat and listen to the worship music. Jesus would sit next to me and literally take the heavy burden off layer by layer. When He was done lifting every heavy burden, He would begin to fill me with every single bit of equipping grace that I would need for the week ahead. He would calm my worried heart. He would strengthen me to be able to carry the heavy weights of working full time, parenting full time, and also attending court hearings, staffings, and case manager visits for my boys who had been placed in my home through foster care. I literally survived that season AND every season after it because God walked before me, beside me, and after me.

Even when that season ended, I never left what I learned behind. I learned that in God’s Presence, I would receive every single thing I needed to take another breath, another step, and another movement. I learned that with God, I could learn to not only survive, but to actually thrive in circumstances that should have caused me to crumble. Yet instead I was actually growing, moving, and living out my calling at home and at work.

So, I continued to set Sunday mornings aside as a sacred space for God and I. They were then and are now literally my lifeline. Yes, you can meet with God anywhere. You can meet Him in your home, your car, your workplace, absolutely anywhere. But for me, Sundays became a time set aside and apart for intentionally seeking His face. For pausing and hearing His voice. For unpacking and giving Him the burdens that were too heavy to carry into the week.

So today, this Sunday morning, I am grieving the loss of gathering in my home church, my house of worship. We tried to stream it on our TV and gather as a family for worship at the 9am service. It didn’t go well. We couldn’t get the technology to work. We watched it on my small chromebook the best we could. Seeing my disappointment, Chuck headed out to get the right cable to try to catch the 11:15 service.

As he left, the kids were running around the house fighting about markers and muffins. Literally both markers and muffins were in the arguement at about the same time. And there it became too much. The tears welled up as all the losses hit me at once. I miss my students. I miss the extracurricular celebrations we had coming up for FPS anf OM. I miss the spark in my students eyes. It’s only been a week, but the weight of not knowing the return date is heavy. I miss our school prayer group. I miss meeting with friends. But the biggest loss I am grieving right now is the 2 hours a week where everything stops and I slip into my church seat and meet with Jesus.

It is here where my feet are set on solid ground.

It is here where Jesus whispers it will all be okay.

It is here where Jesus empties me of the flesh and fills me with His Spirit.

It is here where my praises in worship are so loud, the chains that hold me captive fall.

It is here that my fears flee, and my courage is strengthened.

It is here where my faith is awakened, and I gain new understanding.

It is here where I am equipped to do all He calls me to do throughout the week.

And now my sacred, holy meeting space is temporarily closed. I am attempting to recreate it in my living room, and it isn’t working as I had envisioned. And that’s okay.

The enemy would love to step in and tell me and all of us that Jesus is found in a building. He would love to lie to you and me and make us believe that our worship means less from our living rooms. He would love to make us sit and look at all that is lost. But we have a CHOICE. We don’t have to ride the train the enemy has invited us to board.

We can turn back to truth. We can find new ways to seek God’s face. We can gather our families around and sing and dance to Jesus. We can find quiet moments to talk to Jesus. We may have to intentionally rise earlier, stay up later, or drive to a quiet spot. Jesus can be found anywhere you call on Him. And if you desire a sacred meeting place while your church home is closed, make one. It can be anywhere that you can quiet the noise of the world and call on the name of the Lord. He promises that when you seek Him, you WILL find Him!

Friends, we will come out of this storm stronger, closer, and more unified than ever before. And our relationship with Jesus can be strengthened as we get creative in making time and space to meet with Him.

The Lord has already calmed my Spirit and filled my heart even as I have written this post. He is still meeting with me. He is still strengthening me. He is still exchanging my heavy burden for His light one. He is still equipping this mama to move ahead in victory.

And after I wrote this, Chuck came home with a Google Chromecast device and we were able to worship and listen to the word be preached. It was still a bit challenging, but we pushed through. We sang, we raised our hands, we said Amen when appropriate, and we prayed. It was tempting to get distracted, but we worked hard to set the time aside. When the service ended with the song, “The Blessing” by Kari Jobe, I felt uplifted and ready for what God has in store this week.

If you are wanting to watch an online service, here is the link to our Sunday Service.

The facebook link includes the praise and worship and the preaching of the Word.

If you don’t have facebook, here is the link to the website. It has the preaching of the Word only.

God will restore all the enemy meant for destruction. He will even gather His church together in worship, teaching, and prayer so that we are equipped to be the church to the rest of the world.

Dear Heavenly Father, Bring your people into deeper relationship with You. Let Your light shine bright through us and into the world. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

*** If you have a link to your Sunday Service today, please share it below!***


Vanessa Lynn

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